I admit it, I hang with a weird crowd. Sure Patti, Rachel, and I are top tier matchmakers –- but we also have lives outside of our “business.” Patti is a great screenwriter and loves to go out and let her hair down — leaving “Business Patti” at the office. Rachel is a talented actor, amazing mother, and live music fanatic. And me, well I’m a filmmaker (see those Sushi Girl posters in the office?), entertainer, father and – well, random people collector. In this collection of friends I have, there is a small group of former child actors. I love ‘em, but they’re a strange bunch. Some of them have entitlement issues, trust issues, ego problems, and/or sexuality disorders. Why am I sharing this?
Meet Emma, my client this week. Emma was a big time British child actor who became known more for parting ways, than her acting chops. She was Britain’s “Wildchild.” Think Lindsay Lohan’s twin sister — but back in the day. She’s a handful. . .and a hotmess. She also got married three times, the first when she was 13. . .to a guy multiple decades older than her. Yep.
She now has “her act together”. . .as a pole dance instruction business owner in the Valley. Yep. ‘Nuff said. (See first paragraph.)
Rachel’s guy is Frank, a control-freak plastic surgeon with a slight god-complex. He wants his future girlfriend to wake up everyday with him by 5 am and start the day running. . .even on weekends and holidays. He doesn’t think this is a problem. Sigh. ‘Nuff said.
We watch the DVDs, and Patti is bugged by both clients’ attitudes and wants to kick their asses.
Emma needs a makeover. . .but refuses. Frank sees the awesome life coach Matt Bennet — who gives him some good ego advice -– but lets see if it sinks in.
We do our recruiting session utilizing the one way mirror, so Emma and Frank can watch as we talk to their potential matches without them knowing.
Frank takes notes, and actually cares. Emma pays more attention to Frank than her possible suitors (“Men like dingy, right?”). Rachel roots for one of the girls, Natalie, for Frank. I look generally annoyed. And Patti thinks “rockstars date trash.” Sigh.
Eventually, the goddess Emma picks Kelly the surf shop owner. On their date, she frightens him with a scary strip-o-rama at her school. . .and not just featuring her, but multiple ladies. Kelly looks horribly uncomfortable, as if he was just talked into going to leather thong night at Jumbo’s Clown Room (look it up).
The date ends with dinner — but Kelly is now scarred for life and can barely function. Cue pole-cam.
Frank decides to take his date, Natalie, out MMA fighting at the crack of dawn. She gets hit in the head a few times while Frank cheers for her. Yep, good idea for a date.
In the end, we did successfully match Emma with Emma –- as that’s the only person that “gets her.” Frank got some sense pounded into him that will hopefully help him out in the future. And me. . .well, I’m glad I wasn’t a child actor.